Entering the Missions Conference at my church tonight I was overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. Brian was doing most of the “work” and I was at home, giving Elam a nap (and napping myself – but don’t let that get out) and making copies. I got the kids to church in time to eat 4 pounds of Chinese food and meet a few of the missionaries. You know, the “real” missionaries.
Sometimes I just don’t know where to start at things like this – even at my own church, which I LOVE. There are amazing people moving thousands of miles to reach out to Native tribes in AK, men who travel frequently to countries I cannot pronounce and are able to say “Koran” with an appropriate accent. There are even other folks there, stateside, that seem to be more successful or even just have a more “important” job than I do.
I gave Elam a nap and make some copies. Oh and I let Brian know our table display looked ok.
Then a 1000 other things occurred that I don’t need to type up. It just left me feeling so… out of it. Maybe it was the four pounds eaten in 3 trips to the buffet table… The Chinese food, which by the way is served to us by the Chinese Christian Fellowship at our church. It’s led by a UMD professor who laughed when I put “Pastor” in front of his first name. Having these brothers and sisters serve us a great meal and worship with us on Friday of the missions conference is my favorite part of our yearly event.) I just felt weird.
Then I walked upstairs. Two of the pastors of our church joked around with me and suddenly, I had my place. Someone noticed me. Someone asked me how I was doing. They asked about the kids and the challenge of working while the kids were running around. Someone listened to me.
Then the message included this thought – sometimes we look to Jesus and our quiet time (devotional time – whatever you might call it) as an electrical recharge. “Jesus just gimme something good so I can go about my day. A nugget so I can hit my meetings, neighborhood and ministry with an extra sense of Truth.” The speaker challenged to see our time with Jesus not just as a means to get our job done, but as our job. Our job is to connect with Jesus.
Brother Andrew had some amazing insight in “practicing the presence of God” while he washed pots, cooked and cleaned for his brothers. I need to get there somehow.
Maybe it was my pastors and friends who cared for me tonight and gave me a sense of significance. Or maybe it was Jesus, meeting me just where I needed it.